"what's wrong with me day"

been having bad days and nights for the past 3 or 4 days... i can't sleep ==! like now.. it's 30 minutes before 6am....

i think if i continue to go this way.. i think i need sleeping pills soon.... or maybe a coffin if something really goes wrong.... choi* touch wood*

yet again... i'm slowly losing my mental strength...

yet again... i'm slowly losing my physical strength...

yet again... i can feel that i'm losing my temper a little bit more easier comparing to the last 4 to 5 years...

i was wondering... is " _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __ ___ _ _ ___ __ _ _ __ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ blah blah blah blah blah " a mistake???

cause i felt my life is purely effected...

I'M SLOWLY LOSING MYSELF!@#~~~

dame... i think i'm thinking too much ==! what if what i think is correct??? jia lat lo?

Fire walls..... i hate them so much.. barriers... dame.... why do they exists...

i have to ask everyone.... blah blah blah =( , should i?

this is something i don't want to lose...

i'm superman.

A rich guy can't buy everything,

a smart person can't know everything,

and a patient man can't tolerate everything.

Everything has a limit....

There's 2 road for you to pick, which will you pick?

- A long, wide, and fast highway

or

- A kampung road, pusing kiri, pusing kanan, masuk lubang kecil, masuk lubang besar, jumpa kerbau, jumpa babi, jumpa ayam, jumpa hantu putih, jumpa hantu merah.

Today, i'm having a hell time ignoring the pain on my head. Ah Siang gave me a headshot using the martell. Ouch!

Tonight, i'm going to input a few knowledge that is required for tomorrow. Thursday Night, i'm going to headshot myself.

1st May... i'm waiting. iron man2... i'm waiting. IP Man2... i'm waiting. _______... i'm still waiting.

till one day i'll be telling you something you don't want to hear from my lips.

guess*

Last Update.

Right now, i choose to leave everything alone.
My hopes, my dreams, my wishes thrown into deep sea.

Now i know,
Our friendship only lasted few weeks after we met.
Now i know,
You've been avoiding me after this years.

Now,
You should be happy.
You got you wanted!!!

Thank you,
I learn alot.
Now i learn not to trust.
Now i learn not to believe.
I don't believe there is god.
I don't believe there is fate.

- Pok -

New year lo...

Just the begining of the year... and i've started to fall (mental phycology)...
seriously, there is just 1 thing bothering me... and that 1 thing made a huge impact in my life...
really can't be explain... not even once upon a time can help me start telling or expressing those feelings....

well... i always been a very stubborn person. They say what is your's will come to you, what is not your's will never be your's!!! but this theory doesn't apply to me. What is not mine, i'll make it mine!! =)

Another thing that is bothering me is, 8899!!! oh dame god mother jesus criss... i can feel that you're failing me... Please don't fail me in those critical moments.. thats all...


College,
WTF man!!! i wonder what the fuck his mother feed him with... why the hell he want to bitch about me??? i don't even know him and he don't even know me!!! if want to bitch, bitch to 1 or 2 people enough la!!! why the fuck want to bitch to the whole class??? never fucking judge me wei!!! em lan song come to me face to face la... like the fuck i scare you and your lala friends...! i'm never scared of lala people!!!... whatever dragon or tiger or whatever lapsap on thier hand.. those are just arts!!!(KINGS OR PREDSIDENTS OR PRIME MINISTERS DOESN'T HAVE THOSE AND YET THEY HAVE LOTS OF POWER!!!!) if jealous of what i have, TOO BAD LA!!! GROW UP LA!!!!! bitching about me won't help...sohai!!!!
wasting my fucking energy!!!


Friends,
haha.. as usual la... those who have the heart will always be there...
Those who tak der heart, alla... who needs you la...

By the way, Special Thanks to Cheri Leong and Jess Lai.... Happy Birthday and that night was a great party... great to see few of SriKLians after such long time...!!!


Anyway, i guess this year won't be a good year for me... it is just the beginning of the year and i have so much to stress about...

Haiz!!! Lots of nightmare everynight!!!


- zipok -

冲动了。。。

I wish this feeling will go away...
Everyword i said came from the bottom of my heart...
Sorry and please forgive me...

i guess i'm really black hearted...
我是黑心的。。。
i want it all or nothing at all...
我得不到。。。

是我的错。。。是我不好。。。

goodbye 不代表我不爱你。。。

我我我我我！！！你们。。。

Yawn...
been having too much bad dreams for the past 2 months... day after day after day, night after night after night...
makes me so tired and sleepy till i have to face the word "eh pok, what happened to you?" or " eh pok, din't sleep yesterday?"
for those who asked... there, here's my answer to your question...


Well, i think the only moment i enjoy was in terengganu where is the place i don't have to think & care so much about... Anyway, Congratz to Wei Khang & Jin Ying... And great to see most of college friends gathering and having fun together...
Terengganu.... kinda.... a... boring... place... accually... =) no offence...
good thing is... relaxing... food... food... food... beer... beer... beer... "ZIPOK!!@#!@ thirsty ==!" wth... scaring moment...


HmmmMMmmm.... i guess what i am doing now is changing the way i'm living again... listening from people about what they say bout me... mostly insults and judging me...
i dislikes people judging me... << ****Judge yourself**** before you judge me... you don't even know what i'm doing and you just judge me... you won't even know if i'm doing black or white things... to make things very clear " You have no rights to judge me ".


College life... monday tuesday wednesday thursday.... morning afternoon morning morning... assignments assignments assignments... ==! i wonder who is the first person created assignments and homework... the only thing i need is to focus and put a heart to studies for now... makes me remember about what happened today.. the lecturer needs a extra english class... she can't even say my name properly... simple and easy - Zi Pok - .. she pronouns it - Ci Pok -... the world is changing...


Clubbing life... i keep telling myself i want to stop... i want a better life... i don't want to have a drunk life... but people around me "hey pok, club!!! lets go..." it is so poisoning that most of the time i can't resist...


Love... do you really know the meaning??? i tell you what i see in the dictionary.."feeling deep affection or passion" they say falling in love is a good thing... but what i encounter is purely negative... for time and time again i asked myself why the hell i to drag myself into this kinda shit? but i guess it is too late... still so damn crazy bout her...


Hate... in another word, dislike! or FUCK YOU!!! i really wonder why he called me up and spam my phone just to tell me HIS bunch of dog shit cat shit bull shit his family shit... tell me so much for what.. i only got a word that describes him... ham ka fu guai or ham ka chan...


Learning... self control... not to say rude words to everyone including close friends and family ==!... doing most of the things by myself... responsibility... punctual... let go those feelings that i don't want to have...


some things can be said but not done...

"when will i ever be loved".
- Zi Pok -

woo~?

i really wonder what the hell is happening outside my house ==! around 15 to 20 police standing nearby... haiz.. dota lose lose lose lose lose.. what a bad night to dota... should stay at home sleep and be ready for tomorrow...

haiz haiz haiz... sad la sad la sad la... i wonder will i ever find my happiness back again...
my laptop kena virus again, causing me cannot enter facebook and so on... feeling so dead this few days... can anyone bring me back from this feeling?

really... i'm getting sick of everything in my life...
全世界, 好像只有我疲惫